This is a post about what’s been going on in my life recently. Recovery has brought me to a point where I’m prepared to take a leap of faith in a new direction. I’ve been out of work for a very long time, and had resigned myself to winding down my remaining years scraping by on government disability support and a meagre pension which I paid little into over the years. Recently, however, I decided I could try for more.

A couple of months ago, peer of mine told me of their study in an intriguing college program. It occurred to me that it would also be a perfect direction for me. So, next week, I begin a one year graduate certificate program in addictions and mental health counselling. The program fulfills the educational requirement for me to practice as a certified counsellor. I enjoy service in my recovery program, as helping others keeps me sober and enriches my recovery. So why not get paid for doing what I love? I’ve received plenty of encouragement from friends and family for the decision I’ve made, and even a peer managing a recovery centre would like me to consider coming aboard upon my graduation. I’m excited. I’m scared! But I’m going through the fear to get it done.

Writing in this blog has helped me tremendously in my recovery. In my private journalling, there’s something amiss with my reflection, as though my mirror were foggy. I’m can’t be sure I’m being entirely honest with myself when I write privately. As soon as I started this blog, I knew that my writing here was transparently authentic. Somehow, knowing that I was writing to an unknown reader gave me some sort of ability to overcome self-deceit. Furthermore, I found that my stream-of-consciousness writing on this platform sometimes led to epiphanies that would help me in my recovery. (And hopefully help others too!). I am so very grateful to you, the reader. You keep me honest! And honesty keeps me on track.

I’m in the process of jumping through the hoops in the disability support application process. If it doesn’t come though, I’m not worried. I will still make it through another cold Canadian winter on my remaining savings, and I can always live out of my car next summer! Strangely, I have no fear of the financial insecurity—knowing I’m on the right path seems to provide me with courage. And once I start working as a counsellor, I will probably disqualify myself from support anyhow. I will no longer disabled by my mental health. How about that.