Magical thinking is harmless unless it becomes a liability.

Dreaming of meeting that special person gives me hope, but imagining the person I just met at the coffee shop is my soulmate because she likes the same obscure bands as me is problematic. Yes, it means I met someone with whom I share an interest. And there is nothing wrong with hopes and dreams. But if I convince myself that the connection is much more than it presents itself to be, I begin to cross from hopeful into delusional.

If I see the same time on the digital clock three days in a row, and believe that the universe is trying to get my attention, I should probably examine that belief. Is this not a little narcissistic? Doesn’t the universe have more important things to do besides waving at me?

Noticing patterns and connections between unrelated phenomena keeps us attuned to our surroundings in the present moment. There is nothing wrong with making connections out of random events – it exercises our imagination and develops pattern recognition skills. Attributing meaning to coincidences can also expand our consciousness, in a way. There are direct benefits to visualizing good health.

I used to attribute supernatural connections to unusual coincidences. But coincidences that are usual never get noticed! Our conscious minds and attention cannot possibly grasp all of the usual chains of events happening from moment to moment. Every synchronicity and unusual connection has one thing in common: the mind of the one who observes it. This is not to say ‘It’s all in your mind!’, but, well, it is. That doesn’t mean it’s meaningless – but we place meaning onto the event; the meaning doesn’t emerge from the event.

The liability comes in when we start to treat the universe (or at least our little corner of it) as being of subservient to us. This is where I have a problem with ‘The universe is trying to get my attention!’ thesis. ‘God’ can be substituted for universe, and it’s the same problem.

I’m not trying to drain life of all its magic and mystery. They provide us with the wonderful stories and ballads and have done so for centuries. I am just trying to remind myself that, like any other tool of the mind, it can be used in a helpful or in harmful way.

I was that guy who believed he found his soulmate in a bar. I thought the universe was trying to get my attention when I saw 11:11 on the clock for the third straight day. My problem was that I believed that life owed me signs and a path to greatness, since I believed I was born with a special purpose to fulfill. This is edging precariously close to schizophrenic delusion.

Fortunately, I have come to understand that this egocentric secret of mine (well, okay I guess it’s not a secret anymore!) was born of a narrative that shaped my identity from a very young age. I have shared my story of surviving trauma in early childhood, and how the aftermath of this event imbued my mind with the troublesome idea that I was ‘saved for a purpose’.

Magical thinking has also both helped and harmed me in sobriety. Over twenty years ago, I believed that my obsession to drink was removed by an act of grace. This belief sustained me through the first seven years of my recovery. Again, there is nothing wrong with this at all! If it works, and it is helpful, then I say leave it alone and let it be.

The quality of my recovery, however, was undermined by that insidious belief that the universe owed me. When my problems started to pile-up, I began to get desperate and look for romantic solutions to psychological and emotional distress. Surely, at last, my soulmate will save me! Well, I ended up heartbroken and alone. I blamed everything except myself. I leaned away from my recovery support instead of into it, and that resulted in a nine year relapse ending in thoughts of suicide.

Today, I’m mindful of how magical thinking can influence my perspective and choices. It takes constant effort to change one’s thinking patterns, but when I make connections where there are none or see patterns that others may not see, I put the brakes on before my imagination takes me on a magical mystery tour. I don’t resist it – I just note that its there, it is a creative notion, and it has no power over my choice at the moment.

There’s a big difference between picking a word from random to meditate on and upending one’s life for a romantic ideal. There’s a place for magical thinking in the right proportion. For me, at least, I need to ensure that its scale is not disruptive to my recovery and my life (which are one and the same).