Everyone needs something to lean on sometimes. As a recovering addict, I definitely need some sort of power greater than myself to stay sober and to quell the self-destructive rebellion in my mind. Fortunately, that power doesn’t need to be outside myself.

The nature of pure awareness

Thoughts, ego, personality–and desires and cravings–are all aspects of mind. But there is something greater than mind in which those activities and things reside. Academic and Buddhist teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn, calls this something ‘pure awareness’ (Kabat-Zinn, 2015):

It is an innate human capacity that is different from thinking but wholly complementary to it….It is also ‘bigger’ than thinking, because any thought can be held in awareness, and thus looked at, known, and understood. Awareness in its purest form thus has the potential to add value and new degrees of freedom to living life fully and wisely and thus, to making wiser and healthier, more compassionate and altruistic choices.

When I reflected on this passage, I realized that pure awareness could be my ‘higher power’. It is different from thinking, and precognitive in nature, so it’s not something my ego or personality can identify with. That is important for a power greater than myself. It’s ‘bigger’ than all my thoughts and thinking itself, and if this pure awareness can hold within it the entire content of my mind, then it is certainly something far greater than all of the bits and pieces and stories that comprise self-hood and identity.

Therefore, it can be said that:
1) we’ve established that pure awareness is not-self; and that
2) it is greater than thoughts and mind (for pure awareness both precedes them and contains them); and
3) that it also has the ability to “add value and new degrees of freedom” to improve the quality of one’s life.

If pure awareness can add value and freedom to improve life, then is contains power. Pure awareness has all of the requirements needed to act as a higher power for anyone in recovery.

But, so far, all we’ve really established is that pure awareness can be a higher power, it’s not self, and that it’s different from the thinking that goes on within it. How does a person rely upon pure awareness in recovery?

The power of pure awareness

Pure awareness is not something that we strive to obtain in life—it is something we are born with. Yes, we can develop our capacity for mindfulness through practice, and in this way it is much like acquiring a language. It takes time, effort, persistence, and dedication to the practice. As we become more mindful, we cultivate our ability to pay attention, to expand awareness, to connect with all, and to hold compassion for self, others, and all other forms of life. We slow down and become increasingly focused and gain more wisdom. Best of all, for the recovering addict, our minds start to become quieter and our wilfulness gives way to willingness.

I find it very helpful to pair the practice of cultivating pure awareness with work around understanding what values I want to move toward (for example: kindness and compassion, no-harm, community, human relationships, etc.). In this way, my ‘higher self’ can direct my progress away from behaviours, thoughts, and actions that are not in alignment with my cherished values and move me closer to living my best life. In mindfulness practice, pure awareness can observe that alignment in a passive, neutral, and non-judgmental way. When I exit my practice, I bring that awareness with me and can use it to help me along in my day’s journey out in the world.

The chase

When I was drinking, I found that I could use alcohol as a shortcut to awareness. I certainly have my doubts about how ‘pure’ it was, but I did experience an altered state of mind in which I was able to not only observe my thoughts but also feel more connected. I relished that window of awareness in which I was able to sit down with my journals and write furiously about existential matters. This shortcut would last only for a while, as I had no control over it nor over my drinking. Yes, this was a magic trick born of ego and grandiosity and not a sober state of mindfulness acquired by means of practice and hard work. But it is an indication that, even during my years of using, I sought pure awareness even if what I found was only a quick fix and avoidance of my primary problem.

Knowing that I chased that state of expanded awareness when drinking made me discount pure awareness as a higher power when I first went into recovery over 20 years ago. I judged it as a false state of awareness, a self-serving delusion that enabled my drinking. That’s partly correct, but I probably threw the baby out with the bathwater. Today, I embrace with compassion that younger version of myself who found some sort of altered state in the bottle. He sought to escape the chaos of thoughts and feelings to find something greater in an expanded awareness. His keen desire to understand greater concepts such as ‘ultimate reality’, ‘ideal forms’, and ‘universal interconnection’ drove him to crisis and into recovery.

Summary

Together, pure awareness and the set of one’s most cherished values serve as a power greater than oneself to which a person in recovery may surrender wilfulness. Through mindfulness practice, one can develop willingness to observe the self and do the next right thing as one makes the journey toward wellness.

References

Kabat-Zinn, J. (2015, October 20). Mindfulness has huge health potential – but McMindfulness is no panacea. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/oct/20/mindfulness-mental-health-potential-benefits-uk Accessed 03 Aug 2023.